10 Things To NEVER Say To A Stepmom

Being a stepmom is an amazing and rewarding experience. But I have to say it is one of the most difficult and emotional things I’ve ever went through. Nothing is ever perfect……..what fun would it be if it was?

Sometimes people have good intentions but their words come out wrong. When talking to a stepmom there usually is a fine line between appropriate and inappropriate.

No blended family is the same. Some stepmoms are extremely hands on (like me) and others are not.

I have made a list of 10 Things To NEVER Say To A Stepmom

As a general rule try to stay away from these 10 statements when talking to a stepmom.

10 Things To NEVER Say To A Stepmom

1. You really plan to have more kids?

Okay in my case I get this question ALL the time. I know why and understand….my husband already has four children. I LOVE all four with every bit of my soul BUT I want to have more children. Unfortunately I didn’t give birth to my four babies and understandably they have allegiance to another woman.

2. You got the kids without having to go through labor

Um….duh. Are you trying to say that I am less of a woman for not birthing a child? I don’t think people mean anything by this statement but it can come off as hurtful.

3. You have a ready made family…..duh

Oh my word….if I heard this once I heard it a million times. Yes I have a “ready made” family. When people would say this to me I wanted to say “Yeah I just was shopping one day and added them into my cart. It was as easy as that.” It’s like what the heck?

4. You wouldn’t understand….you’ve never had kids of your own 

Okay I understand this one but it still stings. It’s another one of those sayings that might as well add “because you haven’t carried a baby for nine months.”

5. I bet you are glad when they go home 

Wait what? Absolutely not! I hate seeing the kids go home. It’s the same emotional and heart wrenching scenario; the kids start on Sunday morning crying because they don’t want to leave. Then when it’s time to leave they bust out into tears and have a meltdown because they want to stay with their dad and me. Would you be glad to see kids that you love go home after that? I would keep them 24/7 if I could.

6. You should really let your husband worry about that 

This one always gets me. I care about my kids more than anything in this world. When sometime is going on and it interferes with our time with them or if it is something that may take away our time…you bet I am going the be worried.

7. You’re not a real mom

Oh this one is a doozy. I may not have carried them for nine months and I may not have given birth to them but when they are at my house I AM the mother figure. Giving birth to a child does not make you a mom! Parenting includes affection, caring, nurturing, and most of all LOVE. No where does it say that DNA is the only thing that makes you a mom!

8. You could leave at any point. They’re not your kids 

Are you kidding me? These children could not be more mine if I had given birth to them. If Josh and I ever split up those kids would be devastated! I would miss them so much I wouldn’t be able to stand it. This statement is definitely one to stay away from when you are talking to a stepmom who is having marital problems.

9. It must stink parenting another woman’s child

You know it does make things difficult but if it wasn’t for the “other woman” I wouldn’t have my family right now. So no it doesn’t stink….because they gave me my babies.

10. Why do you care so much?

Why do you care about your children? Why do you love your husband? Why? Why? Why? Do we ever know why? I care and love them so much because I have a bond with them that I have never experienced. It’s called motherhood.

Like I said sometimes when talking to a stepmom there usually is a fine line between appropriate and inappropriate. Try to stay away from these 10 statements and you should be fine. We tend to be sensitive over these questions and it’s just better to stay away from them.


13 thoughts on “10 Things To NEVER Say To A Stepmom

  1. You are so right on these statements and I definitely should know, right? lol! I think being a step-parent is so much more challenging than being a biological parent! There’s always the other parent to worry about, worrying about deciplining them and the other parent getting upset and that’s just one thing among several more! Of course I never had this problem, I think we were all usually on the same page, but the worry was still always there. We definitely had our problems but overall I think we all turned out Ok, lol!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You step-mommies are tough. Being in a blended family is not easy & sadly, step-moms get a lot of junk thrown their way. My girls are blessed with an incredible step-mommy. I know this post isn’t really for me, but I wanted to leave a comment anyway to say step moms really are incredible!


  3. Very well said! I have 2 step children and before I had my own 2 babies these comments totally made me feel inadequate. Now I do not get them as much but 2 years ago was a different story. Keep up the wonderful parenting!


  4. Pingback: TSP’s Late Blogiversary + A Giveaway!!  | The Southern Pearl

  5. I love!! These blogs you’ve written about being a step mom. I will be a step mom of 6 boys pretty soon and our situation in beautiful and unique just like most. These have definitely helped, thank you!!


    • Jenna I love hearing that this post has helped you! Just always remember our situation is unique and that we must do the best we can. Sometimes we feel like we fail but really we are still doing an amazing job 😉


  6. I’m actually struggling with this lol. I get told oh you’re nothing to her (daughter). You’re not her real parent. Especially today. My fiance gets mother’s day stuff but I don’t. It hurts


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