It’s probably one of the most dreaded days of the year for some step/bonus moms.
A day that is meant for celebrating and full of love but to some it’s a constant reminder of their situation. If a day could slap you in the face… it’s this one!
What day is it you ask…
Not everyone’s situation is the same. Every step family is different. We’re not a one size fits all kind of group.
Before I had my daughter Mother’s Day was bittersweet. I knew I was a mother figure to my bonus kids but this day wasn’t mine. We would sometimes have the older three kids on Mother’s Day but never had my youngest bonus daughter. Her mother would plan months in advance to be sure to have her. That was perfectly fine. I wouldn’t dream of saying no. She gave birth to her and this was her day.
Mother’s Day was a reminder to me that the kids were not biologically mine. They had a mother other than me. I was not the only woman in the picture. I know…it sounds selfish but unless you’ve been there you’ll never understand.
Does this sound like you? Then boy do I have a surprise and great alternative to Mother’s Day for you!
Did you know there’s a Stepmother’s Day!? Yes you read correctly! It has been observed the Sunday after Mother’s Day since 2000. This year it falls on Sunday, May 20th, 2018.
I was amazed when I learned of this day a few years ago because it’s perfect! Here’s some reasons why:
- It’s the weekend after Mother’s Day which means if your court order states birth mom gets Mother’s Day, you can switch weekends and she can have her day and you can have yours
- Mother’s Day doesn’t fall on your weekend? Then that means May 20th is your regularly scheduled weekend and you for sure get to celebrate your day.
- Have a high conflict birth mom? Then I guarantee your court order includes her getting Mother’s Day. Which means you’ll get the weekend of May 20th. She probably isn’t aware of Stepmother’s Day so she won’t be able to do something to ruin your day. If this is your situation I suggest not telling the children and just celebrating when they arrive. High conflict situations are unpredictable and you don’t need that on your day.
- This is also a day that allows you to not step on the birth moms toes. Some birth moms see step/bonus moms celebrating Mother’s Day as a way of trying to replace them. Stepmother’s Day is a great way to be celebrated on your own day without having to walk on egg shells
- Stepmother’s Day is a day for your step/bonus kids to be able to celebrate you without hurting their birth moms feelings. They aren’t “caught” in the middle of unnecessary cross fire of arguments surrounding Mother’s Day
- Are you a full-time stepmom? This situation can be tricky. Are you a FT stepmom because the birth mother passed away, gave up parental rights, randomly walked out, or is unpredictable? Mother’s Day can be painful for your bonus/step children because they have lost their mother either physically or emotionally. Stepmother’s Day would be a great way to celebrate without bringing up difficult memories or feelings surrounding their birth mom.
- Are you a “nacho” stepmom (“not your kids philosophy)? Then Stepmother’s Day is perfect for you too! You aren’t celebrating Mother’s Day. You are celebrating the fact that you have step/bonus kids. Don’t have a good relationship with them? Use this day to bridge the gap, use this day to extend an olive branch.
- Does Mother’s Day actually fall on your weekend and your court order doesn’t state anything about birth mom getting it? This would be a great opportunity to do something positive. See if she wants to get the child(ren) for Mother’s Day weekend and you get them Stepmother’s Day weekend. It’s a win/win for everyone!
In our situation my husband would do everything he could to make the time we had with the kids (before or after Mother’s Day) just as special! It always means more than he’ll ever know because for that moment there are no other outside factors. But knowing now that I can have a day that is specific for our situation is wonderful! It makes my heart happy!
I’d love to hear how you plan to celebrate Stepmother’s Day this year!